Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
