I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
