you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
