Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
