guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
there was a trapeze. enough said
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
