Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
