I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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