YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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