just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
