a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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