it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
