I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
