quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dicks are not precious.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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