he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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