It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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