so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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