If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
