So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
