His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
