God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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