I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
