At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
