u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
