I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So much Jack, so little girl.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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