It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
