so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
