I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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