Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
