my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have already put on my inside pants.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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