I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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