I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
