I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
