I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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