Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
