I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
