I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
