My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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