I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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