WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
