Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
