There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
