Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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