In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
