I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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