now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
