I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
