So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
