Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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