she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I cannot find my penis.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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