Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm like, not good at living.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I love you.
Bad choice
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
