I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
