There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
