We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
