I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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