I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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