Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
