So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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