Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize