oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
