I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
